Saturday 28th July 2012 “This Memory is a monument that will always stand for you”

Saturday 28th July 2012 was a simply amazing day. In truth the events of the day still haven’t completely sunk in. I find the more I speak about it, the more I write about it, the more I feel completely overwhelmed by what happened.
I’ve loved the music of The Crüxshadows since I first heard it in 2006, having been recommended it through Although I’ve changed accounts since then (due to personal reasons), I’ve kept on listening to them continually. I’ve found listening to them really helps me through particularly hard times, like my dad being in hospital for 3 months, various break ups, and hard times at work. I’ve found them a constant source of solitude in dark times, but also an amazing band to listen to whatever mood I may be in (and I have plenty of different ones).
When I saw that they would be touring the UK (it must have been late March, around the same time as I was going through a deeply emotional time) I knew I had to go, and more to the point I realised that I had inadvertently booked the weekend of 28th July off along with the following week, before even finding out about this tour. It must have been meant for me to have something amazing to look forward to, at least this is what I thought at the time.
So I arranged with Sara (my closest friend, I’ve known her nearly 10 years), and her husband, to go and see them on the final day of their UK tour (Saturday 28th July) at the O2 Academy Islington. We were a little worried about it because it coincided with a very well publicised event I don’t want to associate this blog with. But we booked it regardless, because Sara has always wanted to show be Camden, and what better time to see Camden than before going to see a band we both love.
So down to London we went on Saturday, and were amazed at how relatively quiet it seemed. I do have to say I will want to see Camden again, I guess I’ve always perceived London as being too big, and expected that I wouldn’t like it at all, so it was a lovely surprised to see that its actually reasonably likeable.
I also found it quite amazing when we actually saw the Crüxshadows on the tube out of Camden (can’t say that I’d expected that). It made me love them even more, seeing that they were so ‘normal’ (knowing that there is no such thing as normal, and that ‘goths’ are never classed as ‘normal’). I suppose by normal I mean, that they aren’t pretentious.
So after going to Clapham to our hotel to drop bags off and change for the concert we headed back out to Islington to find the O2 Academy and to hopefully get a decent place in the queue. Which we did, it was relatively easy to find and we were quite close to the front. When we got inside after waiting a while for the place to open we managed to position ourselves right in front of the stage, which I’m very glad of (although my ears weren’t so thankful afterwards).
The three bands who preformed beforehand, Global Citizen, Kommand+Kontrol and AlterRed were very good, and I’m definately glad that we arrived early so that we got to see them perform. In fact the set of AlterRed was amazing, I loved the show they put on, it was brilliant, and I’d love to see them again if I got the chance.
So the lead up to the Crüxshadows was very good, and once they appeared on stage, I must say they didn’t disappoint (far from it). I loved the way that Rogue appeared from the audience to start with. I also loved the way he kept going back in and reappearing out of it. I must say that the bands performance was amazing. I love how beautifully both JoHanna and David play violin (it makes me wish I’d put more effort in with my violin playing, and wasn’t simply mediocre). In fact I can’t get the way either of them out of my head, I seem to have focused rather a lot on their playing and the way they look. Plus I loved the way that Jessica and Jenne danced so beautifully, they both looked simply fabulous. Although my attention wasn’t drawn as much to Jen (Pyro) as she was at the back behind a load of synths, she was equally amazing, as was Mike (but the same applies to him as to Jen, my attention was more on JoHanna and David’s playing). I will say this, as a whole the band put on amazing performance, and I was completely blown away. But the best was saved till last, and by then I’m sure I’d almost sung myself horse by singing along loudly (despite being a terribly singer) to all the songs I knew the words to.
The last song they did was Marilyn, My Bitterness, and I will never forget this one as I remember the beautiful Jessica taking me by the hand and leading me to the side of the stage, to join the band on stage with other members of the audience. I found that simply amazing. I can say I never, never expected to have that happen.
But it didn’t end there the audience was invited to join them at Slimelight to meet them properly for autographs and photos. All I can say is I’ll never forget being hugged by Rogue or David, and I’ll never forget being told by Rogue that I have a very pretty name, or by JoHanna that she liked my dress as its very cute. I hope one day to eventually see them all again. As seeing them was so completely brilliant, and so totally unforgettable. Its no wonder I can’t stop thinking about it, wishing I could go back and experience it all over again.
I wish I had more confidence, and didn’t simply freeze up, or find it so hard to speak to people I don’t know but would love to know better, I need to overcome this, because I really wanted to say more to them, I really wanted to, but simply found it too hard (not because I idolise them, but because I lack self-confidence, and because I’m too shy for my own good).
I will keep on trying to overcome my lack of confidence, and I will keep hoping to meet them again. As because of them I’m slowly rediscovering my confidence to wear the clothes I love, and slowly managing to make myself do things I was afraid to do before for fear of ridicule. I will never regret those words I have tattooed upon my wrist, Live Love Be Believe, and I will add to those with the crüxshadow sign.


Project Baby Blanket Start to Finish Progression.

So this is the progression of the baby blanket I knitted from start to finish :). This first picture shows the blanket 20 rows into being knitted.

This second picture shows the blanket at about 30 rows into being knitted.

This third photo shows the blanket at about 40 rows in.

This fourth photo shows the blanket at 100 rows into being knitted.

This fifth photo shows the blanket at about 155 rows into being knitted

And this final photo shows the finished product.

I’m so pleased its finally finished. Its time it was finished it took me long enough.


I have to admit, I’ve been neglecting my knitting of late, mainly because I’ve been too tired and couldn’t motivate myself. But I decided last night that I would make an effort to work my way through all the knitting I’ve got left over, and that if I have any free time I’ll try to spend it knitting, I guess I’ve been finding other things to do, but its time I motivated myself to get on with in.